The holidays are finally over and I couldn't be happier! I'm ready to go back to hiding out in my home and get back into our grove. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a first time mom or if it's because I have a two month old to bring to events now but this holiday season has been more stressfull then enjoyable.
Since having JoJo I've suffered from a lot of anxiety when taking her out in public or letting others, even close family members, hold her and try and soothe her. I know in my gut that it's okay and good for her to become familiar with other family members, I know it, but it's eating me up inside to let it happen. I have shed many tears over this which I'm sure is my post partum hormones going crazy mixed with a little of the baby blues. I'm hoping that time with heal these feeling because it's causing a lot of guilt like I'm keeping her away from family. I know it will get better with time, I need to believe it will get better.
I should give a little background about my anxiety, it is not something new since having JoJo. I've suffered from social anxiety for many years and it was a major struggle for me all through college. I was the student who loved class sizes that were more then 200 people because I could easily slip in and out unnoticed. As I got further along in school my class sizes started to get smaller and I had my first panic attack in 2008. That was a tough year for me and I finally started taking Zoloft to help calm my nervous and get me through school. Once I graduated from college I stopped taking it but I still have my days that I know my life would be less stressful with it.
So even though I was a nervous reck through the holidays, JoJo did great! She slept like an angle in a moses basket and actually slept her longest stretch to date, 7 hours! I woke in a panic when I realized she had slept so long but she acted like it was completely normal. She handled the sleep disruptions pretty well and it had no effect on her nighttime sleep. We've been having a tough time with the evening nap anyways so it was nice to have something to do outside of the house. I think we are still in that golden newborn stage that strict bedtimes and nap schedules are not really an issue.
We all survived but I'm glad it's over!
